{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"68759096","dateCreated":"1405631873","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68759096"},"dateDigested":1532428329,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Revision 2","description":"I like the details you added the essay. Often in writing, you have to show both sides of an issue. You did that very well; however you might want to reword your last paragraph. If you are going to summarize, it might be better to add more about the merits of being honest. It seems like you have changed your stance from being completely honest, to I should lie sometimes. Maybe creating a balance in the last paragraph, the reader will interpret the writer as being more impartial.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74074390","body":"I'd also like to hear more about the balance. It might help to expand your thoughts on how lying can be useful. Instead of just listing occupations where it can help us, tell us how lying can be a tool. Maybe you can talk about why some people make the choice to lie and how it can change their lives for good or bad. You're making a powerful point here and you just need to keep expanding on the thought. Keep it up.","dateCreated":"1405649167","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"PasqualeDeMatteo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/PasqualeDeMatteo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68749366","dateCreated":"1405525043","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Omkarkale1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Omkarkale1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68749366"},"dateDigested":1532428329,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"6 room poetry","description":"for this piece we were told to focus on six aspects of anything on KSU campus and write about it. Hope you enjoy","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74060058","body":"I'm curious to know if you were working on incorporating some kind of slant rhyme into your piece. I can't quite tell if it's intentional or a happy accident. Either way, I think it works and could even be amplified with the right word choice. Your last line rocks. Based on your description I'd be asking myself the same thing. In all truthfulness, I really want to know what piece your describing...but that may be asking too much. You decide ;-)","dateCreated":"1405560511","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Mr.Via","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Mr.Via","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74060576","body":"I thought the same thing about the last line. I laughed out loud when I read it because you did such a good job describing the sculpture, and leading up to that response.","dateCreated":"1405563741","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74071252","body":"I like how you show the reader your curiosity about the sculpture early on when you mention that it looks to be coated in oil even though it isn't rusty. When you ask what the artist was thinking in the last line it really connects with your subtle, earlier description. I am a bit curious, however, how your mind moved from seeing the birds perched inside straight to the sculptor's vision. I want to know more about how you think.","dateCreated":"1405623497","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74072450","body":"Art makes you want to delve into the artist's mind and figure out exactly they were thinking. Why this line? Why that effect? As the audience is it important for us to search these things out. This journey is part of the joy of art and expression. As a reader, I have to ask the same questions about your work. When you wrote "A light shines on the bottom of it from above"
\nilluminating the piece like a hidden alcove" I could imagine the rugged beauty of the art. It was not until your last line that I realized maybe I am wrong about how you felt.
\nIt makes me wonder what you are thinking.
\n
\nRevisions:'Its' to 'it's' (line 1)
\nconsider changing the pronoun "it " to a noun","dateCreated":"1405632650","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68748634","dateCreated":"1405517883","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Omkarkale1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Omkarkale1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68748634"},"dateDigested":1532428330,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"revision","description":"for this topic i simply took a sentence from the draft that seemed to stand out the most and built off of that. feedback is appreciated.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74052308","body":"really liked the evidence you had to back up your statements.","dateCreated":"1405519252","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"georgine12","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/georgine12","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74058188","body":"You definitely took this in a different direction. It has a cool thing going on the way that you present both sides of the coin - the personal and societal benefits of total honesty compared with the argument that dishonesty has its place too. I think that it might be a better comparison if you don't say that honesty is always the answer in the first paragraph right before you tell us that it isn't in the second. I would suggest trying to give each side the best representation you can without absolute statement. It creates a very interesting tension for the reader.","dateCreated":"1405550210","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68742678","dateCreated":"1405450596","smartDate":"Jul 15, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68742678"},"dateDigested":1532428330,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Honesty Essay","description":"Kale, I think that you do a great job here of speaking honestly. In these kinds of essays it can be easy to come across as preachy and insincere, but you avoid that fault admirably. Twice you appeal to your audience's innate assumptions that nothing terrible is likely to happen to them if they steal the wallet in question. Your own honesty in these comments gains the reader's trust and established you as a voice worth listening to.
\n
\n In the sentence, "It can help in trivial cases such as returning a credit card or as drastic as confessing in a trial." you might want to try out what's called parallel structure. That means that when you compare or contrast two things, use the same language to talk about them. For instance, you might introduce both cases by saying as as _. (As trivial as a lost credit card or as drastic as an oath in court.) Your words may vary.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74046030","body":"Also along similar lines to what Matthew is saying, perhaps you could parallel the guilt felt with the gratification of knowing that you did something honest. That your actions will positively impact others.","dateCreated":"1405477929","smartDate":"Jul 15, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74047574","body":"Hi, Kale.
\nI am looking forward to this scene unfolding more. Honesty is such a nice topic because most readers would want to see what twist you might throw in there with it or if you have some wise advice or a cool experience.","dateCreated":"1405486603","smartDate":"Jul 15, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74067368","body":"Kale, this essay is coming along nicely. What I recommend is adding a specific example\/narrative from your personal experience, reading, etc. For instance, you write about telling the truth to young children. Can you think of a time when the truth was softened for you or someone you know until you\/they were ready to handle it?","dateCreated":"1405603758","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"ReyDye","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ReyDye","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74077924","body":"I am also intrigued by this topic. Your writing does evoke a refreshing honesty...no pun intended. To take full advantage of that innate honesty I would also suggest including a personal story\/experience. In addition, I have a couple small suggestions from a flow\/rhetorical point of view:
\n- The first five sentences of your first paragraph all start with a "W." You're asking some good questions but I would recommend picking a couple to rephrase in order to help each one stand more effectively.
\n- I would suggest diving right into your final paragraph without "So, to sum up the entirety of this essay..." Intuitively as readers we know this is what you're getting ready to do so stating it explicitly is redundant. Also, it robs your sentence of the punch it naturally carries. It's a strong statement in and of itself so trust me, less is more!","dateCreated":"1405690633","smartDate":"Jul 18, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Mr.Via","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Mr.Via","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74078320","body":"Awesome addition of the personal details! I actually had to tell a similar lie to my kids when someone robbed us at the beach, so I really related. Way to stick with the process!","dateCreated":"1405692740","smartDate":"Jul 18, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68737664","dateCreated":"1405390508","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"PasqualeDeMatteo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/PasqualeDeMatteo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68737664"},"dateDigested":1532428331,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"I want to know more","description":"This six word memoir is catchy. I really do want to see you elaborate on the metaphor you've used here. Really cool stuff. I'm also a huge fan of the dramatic reveal on the camera piece about the wall. Keep it up.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74031176","body":"I like this piece as well, Kale. You have a very unique way of looking at things. Both pieces speak to your ability to create suspense. Great effect! I like that you don't spell things out for the reader. You allow them to discover through imagery.","dateCreated":"1405391335","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68732614","dateCreated":"1405349295","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"ReyDye","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ReyDye","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68732614"},"dateDigested":1532428331,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Rambling Autobiography","description":"Kale,
\nI really enjoyed reading this piece. You certainly have a clear and strong voice in your writing. I like how you balanced the telling with the showing and conveyed a sense of what that object meant to you. Artifacts are great sources for essays because they are specific to an individual's experience and universal in their appeal. Hold onto this. You may want to use it as a lead for an essay.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74024242","body":"that was really good. felt like I was outside looking at the wall.","dateCreated":"1405353624","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"YWAMS_Rachna","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/YWAMS_Rachna","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74024798","body":"I loved the repetition of cleaning and polishing the metal. There is a rhythmic quality to that, and it makes the treasured quality of the metal more tangible. Very nice.","dateCreated":"1405357324","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74028184","body":"I love the line "it shined with a dull brilliance that only I could see." It makes me think that you see value in things that others miss. That, like your 6-word memoir indicates, you appreciate the things that others have cast off. I wonder if you see other people that way, or the effort that went into the race that way.","dateCreated":"1405375040","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74029726","body":"I really enjoyed the six word memoir. Wow, what a hard project! To write less instead of more! My immediate impression was of our aged loved ones. They may be rusty, but they still hold everything together. The rust is part of the story. It's like a scar. The nail is still strong, although weathered. We should respect it, not denigrate it.","dateCreated":"1405384239","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"katieharrison1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieharrison1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1405257025\/katieharrison1-lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68732602","dateCreated":"1405349225","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Omkarkale1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Omkarkale1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68732602"},"dateDigested":1532428332,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"memoirs","description":"these are the memoirs. enjoy","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74022974","body":"Interesting 6-word memoir. So, how are you like that rusty nail?","dateCreated":"1405349282","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"ReyDye","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ReyDye","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}