{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"68757434","dateCreated":"1405616417","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"katieharrison1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieharrison1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1405257025\/katieharrison1-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68757434"},"dateDigested":1532428350,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Wait up-- Take 4","description":"This opening is really strong. Very detailed and small. Did you mean to say "I was an outsider looking through a glass" instead of "there a glass"? What kind of glass? Like a mason jar? Bell jar? Beaker?
\nTake 4:
\nThe grand staircase loomed before me, monolithic in size. I heard snippets of conversation and saw blurred faces, heard the squeak of sneakers as students rushed to class and the calls to friends to \u201cwait up\u201d but it was like I wasn\u2019t really there, like time stood still. I was an outsider looking there a glass. That familiar feeling of security was gone.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74071130","body":"The more you refine your piece, the pickier our comments have to get. That means that you're doing a good job of improving from draft to draft. Well done. I second Pasquale's desire for a detailed difference between RI and GA.
\nI want to talk about a possibility in your opening sentence also. You use monolithic, which gives real weight to the size and imposing nature of the grand staircase. If something is monolithic though, there is something singular about it. It is often made out of one giant hunk of raw material, or it stands alone. You can draw extra attention to how monolithic the staircase is by having the word itself stand alone, rather than clumped together with 'in size.' Just a thought.","dateCreated":"1405623015","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74072182","body":""The grand staircase loomed before me, monolithic in size." Very good first line.
\nWhen Katie said small in her post, She was referring to an important concept in creative writing. To "write small" is to write with details. To make one small moment and write about it and through writing about it, it becomes something BIG. You did this, girl!","dateCreated":"1405630179","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74074328","body":"I am a big fan of the small details that help you tell the story but I still want to know more. You've found a great strategy to close this piece but we need more details about life on either side of the looking glass. Keep it up.","dateCreated":"1405648638","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"PasqualeDeMatteo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/PasqualeDeMatteo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74077292","body":"I love the metaphor you use with the staircase. You had to climb it literally for school and are climbing it in life. I agree with the others that you have progressed beautifully and found a way to share a significant transformation in your life. Thank you for writing about it.","dateCreated":"1405681306","smartDate":"Jul 18, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74077626","body":"You have done such a nice job and are almost there! Note the positive comments about your staircase motif :) It works!! I agree with Pasquale's comment about needing more details. Remember our discussions about the "ladder of abstraction." When you state, "When I stepped out of my comfort zone I was able to immerse myself in this new place," you are being general. That's fine, but you need to move down the ladder by following through with some concrete details. How did you "Immerse" yourself in the new place? Show us how you adapted to the circumstances.","dateCreated":"1405687918","smartDate":"Jul 18, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"ReyDye","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ReyDye","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74078120","body":"Yay!!! You and your new friends climbing the stairs together! LOVE the addition! Way to go in this process! You have done really good work.","dateCreated":"1405692180","smartDate":"Jul 18, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68753128","dateCreated":"1405559332","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"katieharrison1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieharrison1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1405257025\/katieharrison1-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68753128"},"dateDigested":1532428350,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Six Room Poem","description":"I love this line: "the sound of ac units and cars."
\nGreat job. I tried compose a six room poem- it is quite challenging!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74060636","body":"You did a beautiful job with it. At the end when you addressed the old tree about the noise and not being able to stand tall and bright, it was pretty sobering, but in a good way. You paint this beautiful natural setting and then you present the villain of the ac and car noise. It was a great choice!","dateCreated":"1405564168","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74072250","body":"Great visual sketch. The form of the poem feels disjointed much like the gnarled and bent tree. If you would like it to flow a little better I would consider arranging the lines slightly different, adding some punctuation (for dramatic effect), and taking out 'and' in lines 8 and 11. These are only suggestions. Ultimately you are the writer\/artistic which means you know best. :)","dateCreated":"1405630770","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74072258","body":"artist*","dateCreated":"1405630795","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74075280","body":"Nice job reworking the second stanza! Excellent word choice! The contrast between the gnarled tree and the others is highlighted well.","dateCreated":"1405655036","smartDate":"Jul 17, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Mr.Via","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Mr.Via","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68749344","dateCreated":"1405524853","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"SuleC","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SuleC","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68749344"},"dateDigested":1532428351,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Poem","description":"Im in love with the last stanza","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"68748756","dateCreated":"1405519071","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"georgine12","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/georgine12","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68748756"},"dateDigested":1532428351,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Take Two","description":"any suggestion to help my writing?","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74058090","body":"I notice a big difference between the two drafts. It sounds much more personal the way it begins with something particular to your story rather than immediately stating the topic. I was drawn in. I want to hear some of that personal touch at the end, too. What kinds of details do you have to share from your time in Georgia? What realizations did you have about meeting new friends or living in new places? Do you remember the situation that led you to realize these?","dateCreated":"1405549786","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74058976","body":"I would love to hear more about the differences you've observed between Rhode Island and Georgia. These details might be things you've seen, smelled or felt. I'm enjoying the evolution here.","dateCreated":"1405555326","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"PasqualeDeMatteo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/PasqualeDeMatteo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74060640","body":"Yes, the opening paragraph has me - great job!","dateCreated":"1405564244","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68742542","dateCreated":"1405449384","smartDate":"Jul 15, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"katieharrison1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieharrison1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1405257025\/katieharrison1-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68742542"},"dateDigested":1532428351,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"same group, same old same old, right?","description":"It's wonderful that you moved to GA from so far away and have acclimated. It is a tough life experience to move. I really like this topic. It shows growth, maturity, and a stick-to-it-iveness that is admirable. I would drop "had" in these two sentences:
\nI had lived in Providence, Rhode Island my whole life. I had lived on the same street,","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74040304","body":"We got our answers from the autobiography! I like the detail that your could drive to the mall with your eyes closed. It lets the reader know one place that you went often and it establishes voice and personality as well.
\nI actually think that your essay would be stronger if you deleted the first couple of sentences and began with your life in RI. Restating the prompt is an example of telling the reader something, whereas showing the reader looks more like the rest of your paper where you integrate your own stories of challenge, insularity, and growth.","dateCreated":"1405450115","smartDate":"Jul 15, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74045918","body":"Great piece! I like how you answered all of our questions. I would consider how many times you start your sentences off with 'I'. If you change the format of your sentences to be less 'I', it will make the writing flow even better and create more variance in the structure of your piece.","dateCreated":"1405477712","smartDate":"Jul 15, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74047524","body":"Great job, Georgine in developing more of the scene from your Autobiography to your Essay! You are showing more to us through your lens. Nice progression.","dateCreated":"1405486175","smartDate":"Jul 15, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68737582","dateCreated":"1405389789","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"PasqualeDeMatteo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/PasqualeDeMatteo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68737582"},"dateDigested":1532428352,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"six word memoir","description":"This is my kind of writing! I love the positive outlook and attitude on life. Keep using the positivity as a tool in your writing.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"68737296","dateCreated":"1405386590","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"katieharrison1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieharrison1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1405257025\/katieharrison1-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68737296"},"dateDigested":1532428352,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Six word memoir","description":"I'm still amazed at the six word memoir. I feel completely blocked in trying to come up with one myself, but all that I have read on this wiki have been quite well done. Yours made me smile.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74030872","body":"I agree with Katie here. This piece is very thoughtful and completely blew me away. I am excited to see more like this.","dateCreated":"1405390242","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74059876","body":"Georgine, your poem has a fantastic direction and flow. There is a wonderful thematic unity to it. I do have a couple polishing suggestions, however.
\n- In the first stanza, consider removing "slight." This word diminishes the excitingly vivid imagery of trees bowing as part of a dance with the wind.
\n- The first two lines in your second stanza are a bit redundant. "Gnarled" and "withered" are nearly synonyms. Consider broadening your adjectives to tell us more about this tree.
\n- Explore verbs other than "bends." I recommend this stylistically since "bends" is very similar to "bent," which you use earlier. Varying your word choice can really a poem come alive!
\n
\nP.S. Your last stanza is very, very cool. Like, VERY cool.","dateCreated":"1405559835","smartDate":"Jul 16, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Mr.Via","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Mr.Via","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68733452","dateCreated":"1405353808","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"KMWPCatie","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/KMWPCatie","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1405379685\/KMWPCatie-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68733452"},"dateDigested":1532428352,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Camera Piece","description":"I can kinda see the scenes you were talking about playing around in my head!!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74024696","body":"I can picture the scenes, too. I love that part! And its making me curious about what is under the tree. I know it has rust and cobwebs. I was picturing a bench, but then I started thinking a firepit.","dateCreated":"1405356850","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"Ms.WendyV","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/Ms.WendyV","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74030114","body":"This camera piece is really excellent. The writing sounds true and conversational, almost. My guess is that it's an old metal drum? I grew up here in Georgia and my grandfather used those to burn trash. It's possible fireworks were set off inside a time or two...","dateCreated":"1405386456","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"katieharrison1","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/katieharrison1","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1405257025\/katieharrison1-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74030822","body":"I also really enjoyed this piece. I am picturing a fire pit. The mix of description and ambiguity makes this a lot of fun to read and reread. I'd love to see you expand on the details here and keep building the image in the reader's mind.","dateCreated":"1405389912","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"PasqualeDeMatteo","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/PasqualeDeMatteo","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"68732482","dateCreated":"1405348478","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"YWAMS_Rachna","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/YWAMS_Rachna","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/writelikeacamera.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/68732482"},"dateDigested":1532428352,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Rambling Auotbigraphy","description":"any feedback to help improve my writing?","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"74022876","body":"Where were you from before? I'd like to hear how Georgia is different from that place. You say the people are friendly in GA; were they unfriendly or aloof where you used to live?","dateCreated":"1405348877","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"ReyDye","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ReyDye","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74022922","body":"Okay, now I'm intrigued. Tell me about where you lived before. How old were you when you moved here? What lead to the move? Was there a particular friend in your neighborhood who made you feel welcome? Moves and new places are great material for essay writing because they are unique experiences that everyone can relate to.","dateCreated":"1405349044","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"ReyDye","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/ReyDye","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74022988","body":"I moved here from Rhode Island about a year ago. My dad is in the military so we just moved where ever he is stationed. Moving from a city to Cherokee county was a real cultural difference. People are so much nicer outside of the city.","dateCreated":"1405349380","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"YWAMS_Rachna","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/YWAMS_Rachna","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74027994","body":"I have a lot of difficulty with new places; I immediately connected to your voice and feeling. If we know more about how people interacted where you came from it would work to show the reader why you were surprised. That little detail can really help to add realism.","dateCreated":"1405374153","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"mbacorn","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/mbacorn","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74031020","body":"Like ReyDye I am intrigued and wanting more.
\nI'd love to hear more about what you experienced when you first arrived.
\n"What is the weather like? How are the people? What will I find when I get there?"
\nMaybe answering these questions from the piece would help the reader know more.","dateCreated":"1405390745","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"74031094","body":"What I mean by this suggestion is to describe how the weather is beautiful. What imagery could you add to make the reader understand what beautiful means to you?","dateCreated":"1405390932","smartDate":"Jul 14, 2014","userCreated":{"username":"elisabethallen8","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elisabethallen8","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}